INTERVIEW WITH RICK CROSIER, CO-AUTHOR OF WHY I’LL NEVER LIVE IN OZ AGAIN

iafrica 24 April2007

Rick Crosier contributed to the recently released book Why I’ll Never Live In Oz Again – Or The US, The UK, Canada And New Zealand, which has been generating controversy for arguing that the grass isn’t always greener for those considering emigrating from South Africa. Crosier provided the title chapter, a selection of bawdy and humorous memories from his time living in Brisbane and Melbourne. In its conclusion he sums up his relationship with Australia as a fraternal one: “I’ve been rather harsh on Australia, but it’s the harshness of one brother criticising the other. Deep down we love each other; our criticism comes out of heartfelt affection.”
In this interview, Crosier contributes to the long-running South African should-I-stay, should-I-go debate.

 Why did you contribute to Why I’ll Never Live In Oz Again?
Well, other than being asked to, it provided an interesting challenge and a chance for reflection on my time in Oz. I do feel I was fair in my assessment of what is, at the least, a very interesting country. Having travelled extensively over the world I was able to see both the pros and the cons of Australia.

What were your arguments against living in Australia?
I believe it to be severely over-legislated, and I don’t think this is necessarily a good thing – probably because my ancestors were sent there at Her Majesty’s pleasure and our criminal blood runs deep. (To this day we’ve even been known to litter. And sometimes we’ve fed the dogs a bit late.)
I also happen to really enjoy my life and lifestyle in South Africa. I have choices and opportunities here that I could not dream of in Australia.
I know I’ll take much of the stick for having written the title chapter of the book, but that’s fine. Had I not believed in what I said, I wouldn’t have written it.

Is South Africa the best place to live?
No. I divide my time between Cape Town, Jo’burg and the Eastern Cape, and I can’t say that any of them is perfect. But they offer a lot and they’re bloody good in the right areas.
Why did I answer no? Simply because every country has both flaws and virtues, so I think it’s unfair to say that one is better than another.

Do we really have it as good as the many pro-South Africans will have us believe?
Again, no. The country is in a jolly big mess. Or at least that’s the international perception. Mr Mbeki is seen as either an utter failure, or the next Mugabe. I won’t quarrel with either interpretation. Our economy is a bit of a disaster. And then there’s the crime…
A personal favourite is the ever-increasing rates – just because I live in a good area I’m supposed to subsidise someone else’s potty habits?
As a white heterosexual male, I’ve also been drummed out of various jobs over the years on account of AA and BEE. But so what? If I’d been born a woman in certain countries I’d quite possibly have been stoned to death for adultery. Or in Ancient Rome fed to the lions because I drove my chariot too fast. I’m still doing fine here, thank you very much.
In South Africa I’ve had the chance not just to write books, but also host a radio show, a TV show, make movies, lecture at a university, write columns and become a published photographer. I’ve driven exotic cars, dated beautiful women and rarely have a free evening for a quiet game of pool.
So when I say no, South Africa is not the best place to live, what I’m actually saying is, Hey,
whatever gets you through the night. For the moment SA does. And on most nights, it’s a good one.

Is SA doomed?
Yes. Or at least it would be if Britain didn’t have so much money invested in it. God bless the Queen.
No, the real problem with SA is a lack of sense of humour. This is never indicative of a healthy society. Make sport of someone and you’re either being racist, sexist, homophobic or insensitive in one of the many other categories on offer. There’s an old saying that that the people with the most pride are the ones with the least to be proud of, and this certainly applies to many South Africans. It takes a big person to be humble. If you’ve duffed something up, be a man and admit to it.

Why are expats so bitter?
This is a complex question. Leaving your comfort zone is never easy. The older you get, and here I mean at the age when you can emigrate on your own, the harder it becomes to make friends, and nostalgia must take a back-seat to forward thinking. This is difficult.
The best analogy I can think of is that South Africa is like an ex-girlfriend; you fell in love with her, got frustrated with her faults and now have to focus on all her negatives to justify your decision. You sublimate the virtues to the vices. We all do this; it’s part of human nature. When you live in any country you form a relationship with it, and when any relationship fails you blame the other party.
I won’t for a second trivialise anyone’s reason for leaving SA. I think that anyone brave enough to pack up and move is a person with a hell of a backbone. What I dislike is the way some people who, having made the move, keep looking in the rear view mirror to justify their decision.
As the old Southern saying goes: “There’s what’s right, and there’s what’s right, and never the twain shall meet.” You chose to go, I chose to stay. End of argument.

Have you ever considered emigrating?
Yes. However not for any of the standard reasons. I have always wanted to live in Texas. It’s a romantic notion, but as a long-term lover of country music, big cars, horses and wide-open spaces, and that accent, I would move there tomorrow.
Failing that I would move to New Orleans, where I have lived, Florida or somewhere in the Miami-Dade County. I’m white trash at heart, so the South really suits me. I’m a good old Southern boy.

Why do you choose to stay?  
My family. At the end of the day they’re the only ones who’ll stick by you when times get tough. I’m lucky enough to have the sort of family that I consider to be friends. There’s nothing that we wouldn’t do for each other.

What would be your tipping point that forces you to leave?
I’m not sure I have one: I prefer to stand and fight. I currently work with the police to try to help get the scum off the street, but I have the luxury of doing this since I don’t have a wife or child to look after. If that was a consideration and the situation became so bad that I had to worry about them permanently, I would leave. In the meantime I’d rather try to make things better.
Another thing that concerns me is the politics. As a firm believer in both democracy and logic, I dislike our current political status, which is, essentially, a one-party state.

What is your view on the widespread criticisms of SA?
People respond to the information they receive. Often this is sensationalist – it sells more papers that way. I will say this: I believe in criticism. The harsher, the better. As long as it’s constructive. Knee-jerk reactive criticism is no use to man or beast. Perhaps I’m old-school, but I do believe in arguing the merits of the case. If your argument is sounder than mine, I will stand down and accept it like a gentleman. If your argument is stupid, I will inform you of as much.
Not trying to be controversial, I will say this: I think at this juncture in SA’s history we need criticism. Gosh knows we’ve had it already, but we need more. A heap more. Keep it coming.

If you had to leave tomorrow, what would you miss most about SA?
Boerewors rolls, droewors and biltong. As an afterthought, I might also miss my family and friends. No offence, guys.